Relationship
Lifestyle

How To Tell If You’re Being Used In a Relationship

Every relationship has its ups and downs, and we make efforts to save it. But sometimes, only we are making all the efforts without realizing that we are being used. It takes plenty of time and effort to start trusting the person and getting comfortable with them finally, and once we do, it is not necessary that it will go only uphill from there. 

We try to put our best efforts to make the person feel loved and important and helping them every time they need us. If the person acknowledges your efforts and is grateful to be with you, they will always find ways to give back the same. But do we get the same from them? 

But their lack of effort shows that they are only using us for favours, and there is no more value left in the relationship. It is not easy to admit that someone took our advantage while we were oblivious to the fact. But it is undoubtedly necessary to distance such people from your life. So here is how you identify them-

Being Used In a Relationship-Are they avoiding you? 

Respecting someone’s personal space is no doubt very important. But it is also necessary that you understand that a good relationship is all about taking care of each other. It is not a good sign if they avoid you frequently or are even reluctant to make plans with you. It is okay to support the stoic phase for a while, but if it is prolonged for too long, you should be concerned that they ignore you.

Talk to them and find out the reason for such behavior. If they give a reasonable excuse for their absence, it is okay. Otherwise, it would be best to have “the talk” with them. 

If they are only talking to you when they need to ask for favours, you get ready to help in good faith. But ask yourself, can you count on them as much as they can count on you? If not, it is only reasonable that you sit and talk about your concerns.  

If you don’t feel appreciated

When you help out your loved ones, you don’t want any credits or big thank you notes to validate your efforts. If you feel that they are not showing enough gratitude for your efforts, they probably think it is your duty to perform these tasks. Acknowledging someone’s efforts does not require grand gestures. A heartfelt ‘thank you, and an added smile could do wonders. But sometimes, people fail to do that as well. 

If they make you feel that you are obligated to do everything, and no one appreciates your efforts, they are not treating you well. You should confront them and express your issues to avoid being treated like this. It is necessary to make them realize your worth, or else your relationship would never improve, and this would affect your mental health. 

Being Used In a Relationship-Do you not feel heard?

In a relationship, you are supposed to feel happy and secure. You know that you can rely on the person and don’t have to face your problems alone. But if you think that the conversation is mostly about them and they don’t really bother to ask you about what is going on with you, this indicates a problem. 

When they are venting out their problems, being a good listener is the best thing you can do. But if you feel that the conversation is always about them, and they don’t need your concerns at all, then it is not fair to you. If you think you are not in a healthy relationship and it is exhausting, there is no point in prolonging it. If you don’t resolve the problems soon, then it will only make things worse. So talk to your partner and end things soon to avoid further damage. 

Do you feel embarrassed around them?

Every person’s take is different on different matters. But if they impose their opinions on you and pass their judgments, it is not really ideal. When you are in a relationship with someone, you feel free and comfortable around them. We all cherish the little oddities of our loved ones. This is what makes us close to them. 

“People call these things imperfections, but they are not. That’s the good stuff.”

– Good Will Hunting

If you feel content with the person, you are obviously not being used. But if they have a disappointed look, make you feel small, then it is not healthy for your relationship. 

Being Used In a Relationship-Are you exhausted in the relationship?

When the only person making efforts is you, you will likely feel tired of saving the relationship. It doesn’t have to be that way. In an ideal scenario, both the people make equal efforts to keep the relationship alive. Well, you can’t measure anyone’s efforts with a tape, yet, being with someone shouldn’t feel like a task. However, it is natural that you feel tired of it when you are the only person putting in all the effort. If you think that way, it indicates that you are being used. Talk to them and make them aware of what you expect from them. 

Being Used In a Relationship-Do they always have money problems?

Paying bills and lending money are not precisely worse case scenarios, but if this is becoming your all-time duty, then it is definitely not a good sign. It is okay to help your partner in need, but it cannot become your responsibility. If you notice that they are avoiding bills and letting you always pay, they might be using you. 

You might feel uneasy while discussing finances, but you must clarify your points. If you get honest about your situation, there is no reason to feel bad about it. Because you have your responsibilities to take care of, you cannot dodge this talk and continue paying for them. If not resolved at an early stage, it will rob you of your finances and give you a lot of stress. 

What to do about it?

Now that you have realized if a person is using you or not, it is essential to take the required steps to prevent this from happening ever again. 

Give yourself priority

Sometimes we do many things to win favours and become their favourite. Sometimes we just do it to help them. In either case, we go out of our way and make efforts for others. This is a great thing, but it is necessary to set some boundaries and avoid things that can affect your mental health. 

Realize your self-worth and believe in yourself. You don’t need approval from other people to build your worth. Be self-confident and kind to yourself and admit it if someone is not treating you well. Because the sooner you realize, the sooner you will be able to improve the situation. 

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